insert something about steele
by SecundaBebop
Summary: Sentinel Lana Diaz is overwhelmed by guilt from the death of loved ones.. (not done writing, this is leading somewhere i swear) WARING: im terrible at punctuation and run on sentences .. grammar nazi types, get ya' advil.. this here is a headache


Nate and Lana Diaz waited in line at Super Duper mart, Shaun in the babyseat cooing.  
"Another Box of sugar bombs? I think you may have a problem" Lana said when she saw Nate put the sugar bombs up on the belt.  
"I know I have a problem and Im not willing to solve it" he winked at Shaun and kissed Lana on the cheek.  
"At least you can admit it" everything seemed so perfect today, the sun was bright but the weather was a nice 70 degrees. She was hoping they could detour on the way home and stop off at the Co-Op and  
maybe walk around Walden Pond. It would be a perfect day for a nice walk and possibly grill something tonight.  
"Oh before i forget and then remember when we get home, do we have any burger meat?"  
"That we do, I have bought a few things at the sale last week"  
"Oh good, I was hoping we could do something outside tonight" she pulled out her purse and handed Nate her wallet.  
"Ah Stop" he pushed her wallet away  
"I am bringing in money again, let me pay for something" she laughed as he pushed his butt into her waist to get to the cashier.  
"We'll stop at slocums"  
"fine" She crossed her arms and looked at Shaun who was amazed by the lighting above him. Lana looked up and noticed flickering... suddenly the shopping mart was empty and Lana stood  
surrounded by skeletons and trash. Her shopping cart was rusted and missing a wheel.  
"Nate" she looked around, she could hear somethihng shuffling behind the isle shelves  
"Nate.. " She felt her lip quiver and the chill go up her spine. She knew what was lurking in the shadows, she knelt down by the old cashier stand and moved back, but she bumped a basket off the side and the  
shuffling sounded more like a stampede. The ferals came around the corner, had to be 10 of them, she ducked quickly and tried to make her way to the managers office, but as she opened the door... she came face to  
face with Nate.. half of his face was missing, it was electronic, he was a synth... he lunged at her stabbing her through the ribcage with his sharpened metal arm. She fell backwards as he shoved her body off his arm, she  
looked up as Nate and the ghouls came in around her.. the flickering flourescent light...

she woke up..

Lana had been feeling under the weather and her dreams had become more vivid and Lucid, so real she'd often wake up in a pool of her own sweat and sometimes in tears. Most of her dreams were about Nate or Shaun.  
She had even dreamt about Danse. Elder Maxson had executed him after she failed to convince Maxson to save Danse, the guilt from that ate her up. In her dreams though Danse was very forgiving. Not like Nate in her dreams, in  
her dreams Nate would blame her for not carrying the baby in the pod and then his body would rot and he'd turn into a ghoul and rip out her intestines. He had even pulled a fetus out of her stomach in one of her dreams,  
she assumed that was another guilt induced dream involving Shaun... All the people she loved or cared deeply for are now dead and she blamed herself. That guilt was overwhelming her..

After awaking from her latest dream she found herself wandering the Prydwen aimlessly... she made her way to the forecastle where she hid a stash of wine bottles for her backup sleep aid. Out there it was  
peaceful, just the hum of the ship and a beautiful clear view. From there she could see the red rocket by Sanctuary Hills, with her scope she could even see the vault.  
"I feel so lost" she sniffled to herself. She had become a sentinel with the brotherhood, watched the institute and her son turn into a crater in the commonwealth. She took a swig of the wine that was closest  
to a malbec; as she emptied it she would let the bottle drop from the prydwen and smashing below on the rocks of the shore.  
"Ad victoriam" she leaned her forehead against her folded arms on the railing. She never heard the door open or the footsteps approach.  
"Sentinel" his voice was softer than usual. She stood up and dried her face on her sleeve,  
"Elder " she stood before him like a soldier in boot camp.  
"Wasnt expecting anyone up here" he said looking at the wine bottles in the open wooden crate.  
"I often am up here to think" she turned towards the railing again  
"Its alot more peaceful up here than in my quaters" he agreed with her, he often would be interrupted from thoughts as someone would barge in with news, missions briefs, or something else  
he really didnt need to be told about constantly, its called email, why dont these people use it?  
"Well, I may be a man but I am not blind... you were obviously crying and I will leave you to.. that" he wasnt sure how to approach that and had never walked in on a woman crying before.  
"I'm ok..." she crossed her arms  
"I needed to get that out, like scream therapy"  
"Scream therapy?"  
"You know... like when youre so angry and you have no way to really get the burden off your chest but you scream and afterwards you feel so good... almost like shooting a gun for the first time" She smiled  
having herself a small memory of Nate taking her to a range for their second date.  
"We have our own ways of ridding ourselves of stress... I myself am a fan of the bottle, a woman, and yes shooting a gun feels amazing too" he found himself at ease even leaning on the railing now.  
"When your partner is dead, screaming works best" she looked out towards the vault. Maxson remembers Lanas story about the institute killing her husband and he killing Danse who he assumed the two  
were becoming pretty close in the same manner.  
"About Danse" Maxson was about to talk but she put her hand up  
"I dont want to talk about Danse"  
"I'm sorry" he watched her close her eyes.  
"Were you two.." she opened her eyes and glared at him  
"I dont want to-"  
"I know but I feel..."  
"Guilty?" she asked puttin her hands on her hips, her eyes were watering up  
"I feel guilty too.. guilty that i couldnt save him... that I even answered the distress call and walked into that police station" she felt a tear drop out of her eye  
"He'd be alive if I had never put that damn network scanner in... he'd be alive if i hadnt wasted my time as a housewife working on small jobs from home... I use to be able to argue my way out of anything, i was  
a great lawyer..." she looked down at her hands, they had beem scarred from battles.  
"I dont feel guilty, I feel like i did the right thing... he was a synth and he wouldve killed you if the institute had realized one of their synths were in our ranks" he tried to justify his choice hiding the small fact  
that he himself did feel guilty for killing a great soldier but it was his duty as Elder to eliminate threats to their cause.  
"Danse cant love you the way your husband or I could" he hadnt realized what he said until he saw the look on Lana's face.  
"I mean as a human" he tried to backstep his statement without admitting how he felt about her. Lana turned away, her heart felt anger but for some reason the statement made by Maxson made her think  
about alot of things, how maybe she couldve convinced Maxson to let Danse live if... Maxson wasnt in love with her...  
"You..." she turned back but wasnt really sure how to reply "For a synth he had shown emotions that-"  
"Those were progams, cant you see that?" he squinted at her  
"But-"  
"No, there is no buts... he was a machine, programmed memories of a past that never existed and if it did it was another man who is now dead because the institute most likely killed the guy and replaced him  
it happened with that mayor over in diamond city" Maxson was right and Lana didnt want to admit it... she still cared so much about Danse, his likeness to Nate always swayed her to him.  
"As a Sentinel you need to see it like that... I understand you have a heart and stand up for the little guy but sometimes the little guy is really just an enemy in sheeps clothing". She was angry, angry that he  
made a point and she had no argument for it. Elder noticed her in thought, her face changed  
"I'm going to bed" she grabbed a wine bottle from the crate and closed it.  
"Good Ni-" he saw the sun rising "Morning" Lana looked over and saw the horizon was lighting up  
"Damn it... "  
"Get rest... you look like shit" he passed her and exited before she could, he had a smile on his face. Lana crossed her arms and watched him with a glare.

Maxson pretty much admitted to having feelings for her, it started to fog her brain when she was in the room with him for briefings. She would notice him look over at her and he would notice her look away quickly  
when he would look to her, he even caught her looking at him from the reflection of the observation deck.  
"Sentinel Diaz" he turned around and she averted her eyes  
"Elder Maxson" she looked to the side and not directly at him  
"I'd like to speak to you, privately" he gestured at the knights and scribes to exit the observation deck. As the last one exited he turned away from her.  
"Is everything alright?" he asked her  
"I believe so"  
"You look like youve finally eaten and rested a night thru" he turned again towards the window... She had suffered insomnia after Danses death and if it wasnt insomnia it was dreams that felt like she was awake, she  
had even lost her appetite causing her body to thin out and lose its beautiful curves and shape. Her eyes no longer had dark circles under them.. she was getting sunlight.  
"I still have some sleep issues... but nothing like before" she shifted into the at ease position.  
"You look well.. its good to see you reporting for duty again, you were in all honesty starting to resemble a ghoul" he smirked, Lana saw that in the reflection on the window  
"Well thats just rude" she laughed moving hair behind her ears.


End file.
